Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
