Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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