yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
