Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
