i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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