so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
