I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
