Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
