In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
