If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
