dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
