Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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