she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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