Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
