i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
