I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize