WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
