We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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