Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
