It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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