just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
