I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
