I just threw up on my dentist
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
