Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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