I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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