Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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