yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
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This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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