so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
