Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize