dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
