haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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