Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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