Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
