The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
