I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
