just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
