I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did I show you my penis last night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
