Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
