Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
