He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
