Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
