If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
