i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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