i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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