Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
