Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
