I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
