HIV tests are more positive than that guy
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
