I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
