We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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