all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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