dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
