How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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