Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
