I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
