dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
