i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
