I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
