is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
