Do you still have your period?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
