tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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