I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize