I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I checked into jail on foursquare
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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