I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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