I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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