he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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