i may or may not be watching the land before time
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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