Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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