Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
