apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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