He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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