I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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