I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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